1. It’s been a while.
2. No excuses, more writing.
3. This hot weather is killing my electric bill.
4. I went to the doctor for the first time in years a few months ago.
5. Hopefully with the enhanced health, some creativity will come along with it.
Coming back to life with a list.
1. Although I wasn’t here, I thought of you lots and wondered what you were doing.
2. That sounds funny.
3. So does this.
4. It’s hard getting into the groove again.
5. That also sounds funny.
6. My mind is nsfw.
7. I am officially a genealogist now.
8. I guess that means I’m really good at digging up your family secrets.
9. I haven’t written a word lately, but I’ve lost almost 15 pounds and am sleeping like a baby.
10. Is that enough?
11. I think so.
Is here. Has it been six months since I posted last?
I’d better fix that soon.
In the meantime, happy new year.
I was sick last week. Minor infection. I’m better now.
The family reunion is Saturday. We’ll see how things go.
There is this old family photo album of me and a cousin of mine. I’m a baby and she couldn’t get enough of me (I have that charm). She’s nine years older than me and lives with my mom’s sister (and still does, in her forties). There are pictures of my aunt and cousin visiting my parents who were shacking it up in New York in the late seventies, I imagine this was right before I was born.
For an inexplicable reason I have always been drawn to those pictures. They are before my memory kicked in. The cousin I remember growing up was always surly and rude to me, and I never figured out what I did to her. She always acted like she couldn’t be bothered with me. It’s been that way, more or less, for the last 30 years.
So a week or so ago I’m talking with another aunt, who clues me in (or slips up, whichever you prefer) and tells me this cousin is really my mother’s daughter. My mother was left a single mother and for reasons unknown to me was going to give the girl up for adoption until my aunt stepped in. I’m not going to go into the whole story, but in hindsight my mom should have kept her, wishes she had, but never did, was guilty about it for years — but never said anything about it. What is more disturbing to me is that no one in my family bothered to tell me this cousin was my birth sister. My aunts, uncles, grandmother, not even my dad. This cousin always knew she was my biological half sister and ALSO never told me. When I told her I knew, in her typical manner, she brushed it off and said she always knew, almost wasn’t going to talk about it with me at all, and wished it hadn’t been brought up (though when she talked to my sister she had a very different conversation — that it was all in the past, no hard feelings etc.)
I’m grateful that she stayed in the family that I know her and her kids, and that she came to visit at holidays etc., but I am still processing the depths of my family’s secrecy about the whole thing. What was so horrible that it was okay for them to know about it, but not my (real) sister and me? It’s not like we didn’t know a secret was being kept from us (we did). Did they think we always knew and were hiding it? It’s really mind-boggling and I hope it was worth it to them.
I had to spend the last week explaining to my recently recovered sister why SHE is my sister, but this cousin was, is and will be our cousin. It wasn’t easy, but I think she gets it. Did my half-sister think I knew but was keeping it a secret? That would explain, at least in part, why she acted like a big bitch for the last 30 years.
A lot of friends have been having problems with allergies lately. My allergic reaction is a runny nose, that’s about it. But one thing I can’t stand in the spring is the smell of certain trees. Callery pear, hawthorn, linden. I get that they hold up well against pollution in the city. Does that mean they have to smell like puppy dung?
In other fronts, May is a wonderful month. Things click in May. I make personal milestones, fall in love, all these things come to a head in May. Why I don’t know. But May is better than Christmas.